Late Diagnosed High Masking My Hilariously Masked Old Resume Story

Introduction

As a late-diagnosed female with high masking abilities, looking back at my old resume feels like peering into the past of a completely different person. The experiences, skills, and achievements listed there are technically mine, but they're presented through a lens of intense social camouflage. The resume is a masterpiece of neurotypical-speak, carefully crafted to fit in and impress within a world that wasn't built for me. This experience evokes a mix of emotions – amusement at the lengths I went to, sadness for the energy spent masking, and a strange sense of pride in my ability to navigate a world that often felt alien. In this article, I will delve into the intricacies of high masking in the context of career and professional presentation, exploring the challenges, emotional toll, and eventual self-discovery that comes with an autism diagnosis later in life. The world of job applications and career advancement can be a minefield for anyone, but for autistic individuals who mask extensively, it's a particularly complex landscape to navigate. My resume, once a source of confidence and a tool for career progression, now stands as a poignant reminder of the effort I put into conforming. It highlights the subtle and not-so-subtle ways I learned to mirror the behaviors and language of my neurotypical peers, all while concealing my true self. The process of unmasking and embracing my authentic identity has been a journey of self-discovery, and revisiting my old resume is a fascinating step along the way. It provides a tangible example of the ways in which masking can shape our professional lives and the relief that comes with finally being able to show up as ourselves. This is a journey that many late-diagnosed autistic individuals can relate to, and sharing these experiences is a step towards creating a more inclusive and understanding world for neurodivergent professionals.

The Art of Masking: A Resume Case Study

My old resume is a case study in high masking. Each bullet point, each carefully chosen adjective, and every accomplishment is filtered through a meticulous process of social translation. I wasn't just highlighting my skills and experiences; I was performing a role, playing the part of the ideal candidate as defined by neurotypical standards. The key to masking in a professional context is understanding the unspoken rules and expectations of the workplace and then mirroring those behaviors flawlessly. My resume reflects this skill in its entirety. It's filled with action verbs, quantifiable results, and carefully constructed sentences designed to convey competence, enthusiasm, and a seamless fit within a corporate environment. But beneath the surface of polished professionalism lies the reality of the effort it took to create this persona. For every confident statement, there were hours of self-doubt and anxiety. For every mention of teamwork and collaboration, there was a struggle to navigate social dynamics and communication styles that didn't come naturally to me. The art of masking also involves suppressing or redirecting the traits and behaviors that might be perceived as “different” or “unprofessional.” This could mean hiding my intense special interests, avoiding direct eye contact, or carefully monitoring my tone of voice and body language to ensure they aligned with neurotypical norms. The emotional toll of this constant self-monitoring was significant, but it was a price I was willing to pay to succeed in my career. The resume is a reflection of this sacrifice, a testament to my determination to achieve professional goals while simultaneously concealing my true autistic self. Looking back, I can see the subtle clues that point to the masking, the phrases that sound slightly too perfect, the achievements that seem almost too good to be true. It's like reading a script written by someone else, a carefully crafted narrative that doesn't quite capture the essence of who I am. This realization is both humorous and heartbreaking, a reminder of the lengths we go to fit in and the importance of creating a world where authenticity is valued and celebrated.

The Hilarious and Heartbreaking Aspects of a Masked Resume

The hilarious aspect of my masked resume lies in the sheer absurdity of the performance. I can almost picture myself meticulously crafting each sentence, agonizing over word choices, and rehearsing the “ideal” responses to interview questions. It's a comedy of errors, a series of carefully orchestrated attempts to present a neurotypical version of myself. There's a certain level of irony in the fact that I was so successful at masking that I fooled even myself for a long time. I genuinely believed that I was just a highly motivated and adaptable individual, unaware of the underlying reasons for my struggles and triumphs. The humor also comes from recognizing the common tropes and clichés of resume writing, the buzzwords and phrases that are almost universally understood to signal professionalism and competence. My resume is a veritable treasure trove of these clichés, from “results-oriented” to “team player” to “excellent communication skills.” It's a reminder of the performative nature of job applications, the unspoken game of crafting the perfect narrative to impress potential employers. However, beneath the humor lies a heartbreaking reality. The resume is a symbol of the energy and effort I expended to conceal my true self, the constant self-monitoring and anxiety that accompanied my professional life. It represents the fear of rejection and the desire to belong, the feeling that I had to change who I was to be accepted and successful. The heartbreaking aspect is also the realization that I missed out on opportunities to connect with others authentically. By masking, I created a barrier between myself and my colleagues, preventing them from seeing the real me and forming genuine connections. It's a reminder of the isolation that can accompany high masking and the importance of finding environments where we can be ourselves without fear of judgment. The mix of humor and heartbreak is a common experience for late-diagnosed autistic individuals. We can laugh at the lengths we went to mask, but we also mourn the loss of our authentic selves and the challenges we faced before understanding our neurodiversity. This duality is a key part of the journey of self-discovery and acceptance.

Unmasking and Self-Discovery: Beyond the Resume

Unmasking is a process of peeling back the layers of learned behaviors and social camouflage to reveal the authentic self underneath. For me, this process began with my autism diagnosis and has continued as I learn more about myself and my needs. Unmasking isn't just about discarding the behaviors we've used to fit in; it's about understanding why we adopted those behaviors in the first place and developing new ways of interacting with the world that are more aligned with our true selves. In the context of my career, unmasking has meant rethinking my approach to job applications, interviews, and workplace interactions. It's meant challenging the neurotypical standards that I once internalized and advocating for my needs as an autistic professional. My resume, once a symbol of my masking abilities, is now a work in progress, a document that reflects my authentic skills and experiences while also acknowledging my neurodiversity. This might mean including information about my special interests, highlighting my unique strengths, and being transparent about my communication style. The self-discovery that comes with unmasking is a deeply rewarding process. It's about understanding our values, our strengths, and our limitations, and learning to embrace all aspects of ourselves. It's also about finding communities of like-minded individuals who share our experiences and support our journey. For late-diagnosed autistic individuals, self-discovery can be particularly transformative. It's like finally understanding the missing piece of the puzzle, the explanation for years of struggles and misunderstandings. This understanding can lead to a greater sense of self-compassion, acceptance, and empowerment. Unmasking is not always easy, and it can come with its own set of challenges. It requires vulnerability, courage, and a willingness to challenge societal norms. But the rewards – authenticity, connection, and a deeper sense of self – are well worth the effort. My journey of unmasking is ongoing, but it's a journey I embrace with open arms. I am committed to living a life that is true to myself, both personally and professionally, and to advocating for a world where neurodiversity is celebrated and embraced.

Embracing Neurodiversity in the Workplace

Embracing neurodiversity in the workplace is not just about creating a more inclusive environment; it's about recognizing and valuing the unique talents and perspectives that neurodivergent individuals bring to the table. Autistic professionals, for example, often possess exceptional skills in areas such as attention to detail, pattern recognition, and problem-solving. These skills can be invaluable assets in a variety of industries and roles. However, to fully leverage the potential of neurodivergent employees, organizations need to create workplaces that are designed to support their needs. This might mean providing clear and concise communication, offering flexible work arrangements, and creating sensory-friendly environments. It also means challenging the traditional norms and expectations of the workplace, such as the emphasis on social skills and the preference for extroverted personalities. Creating a neurodiversity-friendly workplace requires a shift in mindset, a recognition that different is not deficient. It's about understanding that autistic individuals may communicate, learn, and process information differently, but that these differences do not diminish their value as employees. In fact, neurodiversity can be a source of innovation and creativity, bringing fresh perspectives and approaches to problem-solving. My old resume, in its masked form, represents a world where neurodiversity was not embraced, where individuals felt compelled to conceal their true selves to succeed. My hope is that, by sharing my story, I can contribute to a future where neurodivergent professionals are valued for their unique contributions and supported in their authentic expression. This requires ongoing advocacy, education, and a commitment to creating workplaces that are truly inclusive and equitable for all. Embracing neurodiversity is not just the right thing to do; it's also the smart thing to do. Organizations that prioritize inclusion and diversity are more likely to attract and retain top talent, foster innovation, and achieve their business goals.

Conclusion: Finding Pride in the Journey

Looking back at my hilariously masked resume, I can now feel a sense of pride amidst the amusement and sadness. It represents not just a performance, but a journey of survival and adaptation in a world that wasn't always accommodating. The resume is a testament to my resilience, my ability to learn and adapt, and my determination to succeed despite the challenges I faced. While I no longer need to rely on such extensive masking, I can appreciate the skills I developed along the way. I learned to communicate effectively, to present myself confidently, and to navigate complex social situations. These are valuable skills that have served me well in my career and personal life. The true pride, however, comes from the journey of self-discovery and acceptance that followed my autism diagnosis. Unmasking has allowed me to connect with others more authentically, to advocate for my needs, and to live a life that is more aligned with my values. It's also given me a sense of purpose, a desire to share my experiences and help others on their own journeys of self-discovery. The mix of emotions – amusement, sadness, and pride – is a reflection of the complexity of the autistic experience. We are often navigating a world that is not designed for us, and we develop unique coping mechanisms and strategies to survive and thrive. These strategies, like masking, can be both helpful and harmful, and it's important to approach them with self-compassion and understanding. My old resume is a reminder of where I've been, but it's also a symbol of where I'm going. I am committed to living an authentic life, to embracing my neurodiversity, and to advocating for a more inclusive world. This is a journey that I am proud to be on, and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned along the way.